It is the last weekend of 2019!
The year end always calls for some sort of introspection. And with every other year before, here’s a deep reflection of what I have learned from the last 363.
Take chance (and flight)
In February, I visited Japan with two of my erstwhile colleagues. Admittedly, ambivalence crawled into my thoughts (and spoiled the fun even before it began). In a self-deprecating moment, I was worried that my quirks would dampen the spirit but all that was uncalled for.
In Japan, I experienced a different kind of independence. Yes, I did depend on my friends to circumnavigate foreign land, but it was absolutely liberating to be away from home — responsibilities, commitment, and burden.
We walked 20,000 steps a day, tried different beers from the convenience store, did not enter a single departmental store, and so much more. The trip was even better than I could ever imagine it be!
So yes, take chances. Take as many chances as you can! Trust in the Universe to sing attune with you. It won’t always be a bed of roses, but you won’t always be hunkering down for difficult situations.
You will lose some.
And that’s okay.
Right after my eye-opening virgin visit to Japan, it was back to the grind. Armed with a newfound perspective, I was ready to hustle, except the Universe thought otherwise.
In April, I lost my paternal grandma and maternal grandpa.
The truth is I had spent years exhorting myself to accept death as part and parcel of life. A simple truth but the thought of losing my body warmth permanently really scared me shitless. But I surprised myself when I didn’t struggle to accept my grandparents’ passing.
Maybe it was a moment of epiphany — that the concept of death is acceptable.
But you will win some too.
I spent almost everyday of my first year wanting to leave the job. Having come from a different background, I made invidious comparisons of my current workplace with where I came from — and clearly the former fell short of my expectations. I might have also subconsciously (or not) come up with a litany to justify my feelings.
But at the one-year mark, I received my letter of confirmation. It’s a win! I decided to, once again, put my faith in the Universe. It knows what it’s doing. And true enough, 15 months on, I am still here.
Career aside, my family has also grown slightly. I now come home to a brother-in-law! We no longer fit in a regular GrabCar, and that’s alright. I have seen how he dotes on my sister and respects my mom, and I think that’s good enough (for now). Who knows what 2020 would bring?
Most importantly, you will survive.
No challenge or situation is insurmountable.
I struggled to fit into an organisational culture that was disparate from what I knew. But I found a reliable support system that helps me get through everyday — the ones worth celebrating, as well as the shitty ones.
I struggled to keep up with the expectations that I put on myself. But I learned insouciance is also a way of life that’s neither letting myself or others down; it’s a way of maintaining my sanity and caring for myself.
I struggled to fill the many voids people have left behind. But I know now that all of that is temporary. The voids will gradually become a part of me, shape the person I become, and I will be at ease then.
Am I ready for 2020? Definirely! But in the meantime, I shall savour the last 2 days of 2019.
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