Farewell, 2016

And hello there, 2017.

Traditionally, I would have this post done and up on the last day of the year but I obviously underestimated my ability to procrastinate.

I am drafting this post on the plane back home to Singapore after spending some really cold 5 days in South Korea. Being 40,000 feet above ground with Adele playing in my ears sure gives me ample time to reflect back on the last year.

To put it simply, 2016 was definitely a year of self-discoveries and milestones.

The Milestones

Final Year Project

Oh, you have no idea how relieved I was when we finally submitted the project.

Looking mighty fine, if I may say myself

Our final piece was a publication on the literary scene in Singapore. I wish I could say I was satisfied with the end product but truth is, it was lacking in many areas and we definitely could have done better. 

My friends know just how much I complained about it being a pain. But all that is water under the bridge now and I'm just thankful for the experience. It is true that the people around you will either make or break you but it is entirely up to you to make the best out of your circumstances.

Although we were almost always at each other's throats, and couldn't work past our differences most of the time, I'm glad we made it work somehow. It is with this project that I gained another precious friendship.

To think there was someone out there who understands my hardships and struggles, listens to me tirelessly and yet never fails to offer me some of the wisest advice, and to think that person came from my own FYP group; I must be one lucky person.

Tomorrow I return to work and the first thing I can't wait to do is say Good morning! to her on IM. 

Graduating

After 4 arduous years of tertiary education, I finally crossed the finishing line.

You would think it's only natural for all undergraduates to have to receive their scroll on stage some day, but I was nervous as hell all the while hoping I wouldn't trip on myself. That aside, graduation felt so, so surreal.

I still remember the first day I set foot into the faculty. I was so uncertain, so anxious and so full of doubt about the years ahead. I remember wondering how I would survive 4 years in a school filled with so many talented individuals. I was never good at anything in particular but interacting and observing how passionate my other school mates were helped me find my roots in the field of journalism/writing.

Those were some hard years but I have good memories and gained a great deal. I would say I honed my writing skills, picked up 2 foreign languages and new friends. 

The Corporate World

Of course, this was bound to happen.

Following my graduation, I began looking for a full-time job. It also dawned on me that I would no longer be able to fill in student as my occupation. 

I wasn't particularly excited or eager to start working right away. In between going for job interviews, I kept myself busy with teaching and freelancing. 

It wasn't until 3 months later that I landed myself a temporary position. Even though my contract ended prematurely, and I am now with another company, I couldn't have chosen a better place to take my first steps into the corporate world.

It was a good 5 months. It took me a while to get used to the 7am mornings and office hours but I've learned a lot, most of which I will apply to my current job. The people were also great. I've made good friends, and I believe the relationships forged will endure time.

Write, write, write

It was the day I received my 'A' levels results that I admitted I'm way better in languages than I am with the Sciences. (Don't include Math; I'm pretty good at Math.) That realisation led me to NTU's WKWSCI where I graduated with a degree in communication studies, specialising in journalism.

Unlike most of my other journalism pals, I went down the path of lifestyle writing - something I was formally introduced to during my internship, and something I continued to pursue today.

I began freelance writing for Simply Her magazine after my internship with Her World. Last year saw the last of the articles I would write for Simply Her due to a restructuring of the organisation but it was also the year I began writing for a medical company. (One more to add to my portfolio!)

Come to think of it, it has been 5 months since. I just received new assignments to work on today! I guess that means I'm really never not working, except when I'm on holiday.

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Achievements are important. They keep me rooted, and remind me of where I want to be. But there's also who I want to be.

I don't know about others but I find myself spending a lot of time trying to figure out who I am, and who I'd like to be.

Tough times don't last, tough people do

I've had many conversations but the best ones come late at night when I'm worn out. 

I remember 2016 as a good year but it was fairly tough and there were many nights I'd break down on my own. I work hard to keep myself afloat but I've had to undertake many responsibilities, many of which were against my will, and I honestly still struggle to keep everything under control.

I've been so fixated on making things work that I didn't have time to focus on me. So I was glad for the timely heartfelt conversations. God sure knows how to place the right people in the right places at the right time.

It was almost 1AM that morning and I had bawled my eyes out in the kitchen. I had walked out of the house that evening - something I never imagined myself doing - but I was so done with everything. I was fed up of being the only one who cares but when I returned home that night, all I wanted to do was translate my frustrations into words. 

But as I penned each word, my eyes swelled and I just broke down.

That night, I poured my entire heart out to my cousin. She's been there in some tough times and I knew my secrets were safe with her.

Point is, 2016 was tough. But I survived it all. I'm not sure how many more times the bestf can use the phrase "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" but I'm alive and kicking. There definitely cannot be anything better than experiencing life, and its ups and downs.

The much-needed closure

One thing I continuously struggle with accepting is that voids that people left behind, especially people I love.

When I was high above ground and the plane was soaring through clouds, I thought about how I always looked up to the skies and think about Papa. And the first thing that pops into my mind is always the night he was taken from this world, from us.

Till today, I look in the mirror and see traces of a distressed 7-year-old who just lost her father. It's not easy suppressing feelings at 3AM in the morning when all I can think about is his hand wrapped around mine but I do it. And I learn to deal with it better each day.

2016 was the year I began having daily conversations with him because I was afraid if the memories I have with him would be the first to fade when I age. And that was the closure I needed to move on.

A continuous work in progress

The most important realisation is the fact that I will never be perfect, and I shouldn't aim to be either.

What happens when you grow up in a family ruled with an iron fist is that you cannot falter and you cannot be less than the best. That kind of mindset set me back in my teenage years because I couldn't deal with being not good enough.

Years of being labelled really didn't do good things to me but it was truly a journey to get to where I am now - comfortable with being me. I'm independent, passionate, compassionate and so much more. And while I still lack in many areas, which I will continue to work on, I am in a good place now. 

There is still much to be done, more to accomplish, places to visit but it's always going to be a process.

And that's okay.