Time check: 10:32PM.
I should really be sleeping because I've an early day tomorrow but-
I'm full.
This feeling doesn't come easy, not especially when I've been conditioned to feel so undeserving of all the good things in life.
"Just one night," I tell myself. "Go easy on yourself tonight, Smi."
2017 has been going by in a blur. Ever since I started my new job, coupled with my teaching duties and freelance assignments, I've barely had time to sit down and collect my thoughts.
Today shall be different.
I returned to my former workplace today. And it brought back many memories during the 5 months I was there.
During the days leading up to my final day, I had drafted a post to summarise my stint. I never completed it, so the post never went live and I eventually deleted it.
Here I am, a month and a half later, looking back at my time there.
When I first entered the company, I retreated back into my shell. The unfamiliarities of a new environment and new faces drew the introvert in me out. God, it took so much of me to keep calm when my colleagues then made small talk with me. The only person I could comfortably hold a conversation with was the janitor auntie.
Things only changed when Hawa joined a month after.
I used to call her preggie because she was 4-months pregnant when we first got to know each other but she has since popped. (Side track but her baby girl is so, so cute!)
She was pretty much my only friend because we were both with the Publications unit, which was a one-man team before we joined. Our manager rarely had lunch with us so we were mostly on our own.
Back then, we used to bring our own lunches but we're always greedy so we'd go to the basement to get more food. Our lunch dates were often joined by Fana and occasionally couple other colleagues.
But the 3 of us have had some really funny conversations over lunch. It was never dull with them around.
When I left, I didn't want to tell anyone else about my last day. I wanted to leave quietly so there was no wayang or cake-cutting. I had a cosy lunch with some colleagues and took the train home with Poh Choo.
Good times, good times.
Truth is, I've always had to remind myself never to become attached. I knew my time there was temporary and growing attached would make my last days painfully long and depressing. But- I grew attached anyway.
Seeing everyone again today reminded me of how things were a couple of months ago.
I remember the morning trips to the pantry with Ruiqi, the breakfast trips to the basement with Hawa and Fana, the IM conversations with Fiz, the RPO event with Poh Choo and Mags, slogging for the annual report with Nic, the photoshoots and non-stop ranting with Hawa; I might still miss those times from time to time but I'm thankful.
I managed to catch up with most of my former colleagues today.
I tried my best to avoid my GD but she eventually caught me red-handed, gave me the eye and asked, "What's this?" as I made my escape. I also got caught by my Director who invited me to the department dinner.
Those few hours were a good breakaway from reality.
I laughed so much today.
It's back to the grind tomorrow.
I can only imagine the number of emails to clear. Also received some new assignments from my editor last week. And I've a stash of compositions that require marking.
It suddenly dawned on me that I'm never not working. I've really got to learn to pace myself.
On the bright side, going to meet Nisa and the badminton girls this week!
You're doing well, Smi, you're doing well.
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