It is okay, baba. We are okay. You can go. These were the exact words I said as I stroked Shelty while he gasped for air. Exactly five gasps later, he was gone. 15 October 2021. Less than 2 weeks before his 16th birthday on 1 November.  I remember that Friday all too well. I had rushed home from an offsite assignment and I immediately noticed him slowing down. For a week before that, he lost mobility in his back limbs but was spirited and had a healthy appetite. He was still begging Baby Yeo for food and she was still sharing waffles with him. But that day was evidently different. I propped him up and tried to stand him, which was when I realised he wasn’t his usual self. His front limbs were weak. It was as if he had lost the will to even try . I was stricken with fear that gripped my heart so tight I was probably going into a panic attack but forced to remain as calm as I could. I contacted the vet and the the hospital but no one could help us. And so I put him back on his bed an...

I have been meaning to update since April when the memories of March were still fresh. But the weeks slipped by and here we are at the tail end of May. March: the apotheosis of life March has always been my favourite month. It is the month my brother, teeter and I grow a year older. Teeter and I have traditionally celebrated our birthdays together (because her birthday is the day after mine), and then we celebrate my brother's birthday at the end of the month. Growing older together is somehow more meaningful and worth celebrating. This year, we had lunch at Lobster & Burger and a durian cake from Four Seasons. We were supposed to try The Three Peacocks for my brother's birthday but Baby Yeo was on stay home notice, so we ordered in from Pizza Hut instead. In a time we all thought we were taking baby steps to normalcy, I was fortunate enough to celebrate all month long without restrictions. My friends took me out and had cake delivered to me. I ate and ate and ate till I co...

Three months done with 2021 and I’m glad to report I’m doing better than I imagined I would. A couple of weeks ago, I had my performance review for work done in 2020. (I realise I did not do the yearly round-up post so this would be an opportune moment to reflect on the tulmultous 2020.)  2020 was a year of growth. Many of my friends and colleagues — present and erstwhile — know this: Between 2018 to 2020, I had tried to quit my job as soon as I joined. But I am now less desperate to leave. As soon as I turned down the offer to return to a workplace that I was pretty much attached to, I knew another similar offer would not come around again for a long time. And precisely because I knew exactly what I was getting myself into, I  steeled my motivation and drive to do better where I am. I have no regrets. 2020 was the year I became more confident at the job — that became part of who I am and eventually spilled over to other aspects of my life.  When I joined the organisation...

" Oh god ," I sighed. It was 6:57 and on most mornings, I would have been out of the house already. Probably somewhere sandwiched in the morning rush hour. But the reluctance to move is real these days. Instead of waking up with the drive to conquer the day, I wake up with an unexplained feeling of sadness wrapped around my bones - the kind of sadness you vaguely recognise but haven't quite learned to deal with. " Where are you now? " That bloody question etched in the forefront of all my thoughts. I'm not sure if it's my 7-year-old conscience haunting my 24-year-old self, or my 24-year-old self drawing out my 7-year-old conscience. " Gone. Six feet under. Just gone. " I don't even need to remind myself. I know this all too well. But despite the hard truth engrained in my head, I still wish y'all were here on days like this. ~~~~~~~~~~ " I wonder what Papa would say if he was around. I'm pretty sure he'd ...

2020 has been pretty strange so far. We are in the midst of battling an unprecedented health crisis that is COVID-19. My whole lifestyle has taken on a different shape and I am learning to deftly navigate this new semi-permanent situation. I have been working from home since April, and finally set up a dedicated workspace at home (after six months). Truth is, I never foresaw the pandemic would outlast my determination to not have a workspace at home. (Am I the only one who does not appreciate when work is literally an arm’s length away from me?) But it has invaded my safe space and looks like it will be here for several more months, and more!  The past few months have been tremendously arduous. I blustered through the last two months to deliver a high-point project on time. (I say “ on time ” but we were actually already behind time since June.) I did a rough calculation of the extra hours I put in for this project and the number stands at an astounding 112 ! This comes shortly aft...

It is the last weekend of 2019!  The year end always calls for some sort of introspection. And with every other year before, here’s a deep reflection of what I have learned from the last 363. Take chance (and flight) In February, I visited Japan with two of my erstwhile colleagues. Admittedly, ambivalence crawled into my thoughts (and spoiled the fun even before it began). In a self-deprecating moment, I was worried that my quirks would dampen the spirit but all that was uncalled for. In Japan, I experienced a different kind of independence. Yes, I did depend on my friends to circumnavigate foreign land, but it was absolutely liberating to be away from home — responsibilities, commitment, and burden.  We walked 20,000 steps a day, tried different beers from the convenience store, did not enter a single departmental store, and so much more. The trip was even better than I could ever imagine it be!  So yes, take chances. Take as many chances as you can! Trust in the Univ...