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Have courage and be kind

For every one you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
~~~~~~~~~~

I didn't have the best circumstances growing up.

My father passed away when I was 7 and all of a sudden, I was forced to fit into shoes much bigger for my size. My mom single-handedly raised us three and I never found out about her struggles until much later.

I struggled a long time to come to terms with my father's absence. I also had to deal with the fact that I will never know my father the way my siblings did. That saddened me and I began to doubt if my father loved me at all.

My mom pinned all her expectations on me because I was the most academically inclined of us three. For as long as I was in school, my mom would remind me how important academic performance is and till today, she reminds me that I might not be good enough if my GPA is not at least a second upper.

It didn't always work out, of course.

The society I was brought up in shaped the way my mom perceived the world and, in turn, the way she perceived and loved her children. And I don't blame her.

In school, I wanted to be nothing but happy-go-lucky. I wanted to play and laugh the days away. Studying was important but, just like how almost every teenager would think, it wasn't a priority.

When I was going through puberty, I felt proud spending so much time with my friends.

If there were no after-school programs, I'd head to town with my friends. But even staying in school and doing nothing meaningful with my friends was fun. I even looked forward to extra classes after school.

I avoided home because home didn't feel like home at all. Home, back then, was with my friends - the people who went through the highs and lows of puberty with me but turned out to be the same people I don't talk to anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~

What about betrayal and backstabbing did I know back then?

I was young. We all were - young, naive and extremely afraid of the unfamiliar world outside - so we sought comfort in each other until we couldn't anymore.

I had a friend who shared similar interests as I did. We both enjoyed writing and would make it a point to share the short stories we wrote in our free time with each other. In my eyes, she was way better at writing than I was and I actually looked up to her. 

But one day, and this happened on MSN Messenger because it was the coolest thing at that time, she told me that I had no originality and was simply copying her work.

I know it doesn't sound like a serious thing but any writer, any honest, diligent writer would feel offended. And I was.

I wasn't just offended. I was hurt that those words came from someone I had grown to like and trust, someone I considered a friend.

That night, I cried in the arms of my mom and sister and told them what my friend had said to me.

I didn't remain angry for long. I couldn't. I never do.

But I didn't do anything.

I believed time would allow us to recover and true enough, some years later, the same friend apologised for the things she said.

~~~~~~~~~~

Back when I was 17, the ol' friend and I had a huge fall out.

We laugh about it today because we've outgrown that stage but she did say some really horrible things to me.

The night it happened, I phoned another friend and bawled my eyes out to her over the phone without saying anything at all. All she did was listen to me cry. That time, I cried so much I didn't know it was humanly possible to have that much tears!

Even when the crying stopped, the wound didn't heal.

It didn't for a long time I no longer remember how long it took.

We didn't talk. We didn't even associate ourselves with one another despite being in the same class. It was like we were never friends before.

Fortunately, everything turned out great between us. We both acknowledged we were young and immature and managed to resolve our differences.

Now, we've been friends for 9 years and I consider her a huge blessing in my life.

~~~~~~~~~~

I am not one without flaws. In fact, I tend to pick on my own shortcomings but I do try to be a better person every day than I was the day before.

Because of the circumstances I grew up in, I learned to be kind to every one and forgive easily. I don't believe in bearing grudges and I don't believe in blaming others for the misfortunate in my life.

I laugh too much, love wholeheartedly and give a piece of me to every one I meet in life. I live earnestly and honestly and there's so much to be thankful for every day that I don't have the time to dwell on the uncertain.

But I've met people who use my words against me, who take my kindness for granted, who treat me like thrash, who guilt trip me for being naive and feel almighty about it.

Yet, here I sit feeling contented about my life.

They say there are no wrong decisions in life. Some choices may turn into painful lessons that you grow a great deal from but every decision will eventually lead you to where you want to be.

So forgive every one who does you wrong. It might take a lot of effort, you might feel it isn't worth it but forgive anyway.

It's not up to us to decide how the people who hurt us should end up but it is up to us to decide how we want to feel.

And in the end, there isn't anything more important than being happy.

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