It's been a rough week.
It'll be Monday all over again when I wake up in the morning and I truly hope I'll be looking forward to a good week. I don't have very much planned but I'll be meeting the cousins tomorrow and we're going on a very important mission to town. Other than that, I sure hope I'll emerge against all odds from the previous week.
I took my first steps into the corporate world in August. Although I had been working endlessly since the end of my 'A' levels, I was in a different position. Like many others, I was a fresh graduate hoping to land myself a full-time job despite the worsening economy and job market.
Fortunately, I was offered a temporary position at a statutory board.
I had applied for a temporary position as a manager at the publications unit. The job opening stated 9 months so I did some quick calculations and realised it would coincide nicely with my upcoming Canada trip in April. So I was beyond thrilled when I got offered the job, and accepted it gladly.
On my first day, the HR lady who helped me settle in explained that the contract I would be signing was renewable every 3 months. I still remember she specifically said, "If nothing goes wrong, you should be able to sign 3 times until the end of 9 months." With those words in mind, I signed my life away for 3 months but was really prepared to be tied down for 9 months.
My first contract ended in the first week of November and the days leading up to it was rather nerve-wrecking. I wasn't sure what was going to happen and no one from HR contacted me. In the end, I hardened myself and approached HR about it. I was first told my new contract was pending the HR director's endorsement and that she had been too busy so I'll have to wait a couple more days. I was assured I'd get to sign by the end of week but that didn't happen because the HR director was on medical leave.
I finally saw my contract a week after and the first detail I noticed was the end date.
16 December 2016.
I was both caught off guard and surprised. I wasn't too sure what to make of it. Did I do something wrong? Was I too incapable? Is my manager dissatisfied with me? The only questions that surfaced in my mind were ones relating to my performance. And it made me feel bad because all I did was doubt myself when, deep down, I knew I hadn't committed any grave mistakes.
So I asked HR about it and he told me that my director had discussed this issue with him and concluded that I was only needed till then. Okay... I can't retort that because my director's words carry some serious weight and if she says so, that must be the case. I signed.
That evening, I had a meeting with my team and I remember fretting over how to broach the topic to my manager. I believed she was kept in the loop because I was her temp staff. Clearly, though, she was clueless. She explained that my colleague and I were supposed to cover her duties when she goes on leave for the entire month of December. Confused, she decided to clarify the issue with our director the next day.
At this point, I didn't want to get my hopes high because I knew my manager had lesser say than my director. Nothing much is going to change and I was right.
The next day, my manager told me she managed to extend my contract by 2 weeks so I'll finish up on the last day of December instead. I was thankful but curious to know why the sudden decision to shorten the position so I asked. And she said our director wouldn't allow her to extend my contract any further due to changes in the work plan and tightening of budget.
That's fine.
I was just very appalled that my director had not informed me beforehand. Or even after she had discussed the matter with HR. I don't mind that my contract is being shortened. After all, this is a temporary position and my stint with the company will eventually come to an end. It is all a matter of time. But I would appreciate hearing the news directly from my director, who actually brought me and my team out for lunch the week before I found out my contract was being shortened.
I'm not sure if it's a game of tag to see who gets to be the bad guy but I honestly would have preferred if my director told me. After all, I don't have a say in budget or work plan matters. And I'm cool with that. But it was a matter of etiquette to me.
I was down for a while. One day, maybe. But as with all times life challenged me, I dust it off and began my search for another job the day after I signed my contract.
I'm a believer of the saying: Everything happens for a reason. I try to put my faith in the mightier power out there and trust that God has it all planned out for me.
In the last 10 years, I have learned that everything will eventually be okay. And if it's not, it means it's not the end yet. So I convinced myself that it will be okay. This is just one of those times life tries to get me down and I've proven to be stronger than my circumstances time and time again.
What really surprised me was my mom's reaction. I was expecting her to be self-righteous and say things like "I told you to look for a full-time job instead," but all she said was, and I quote, "Ok no worries then. Leave it be. You will find something soon."
My family has been very supportive. While we face a mini crisis at home with my brother's job instability and my impending unemployment, we've somehow managed to maintain positive.
Everyone, in fact, has been really kind. The bestf and Chew, especially, are indispensable pillars in my life that keep me afloat through hard times.
After coming to terms with my new contract, I can feel really dull in the office. My mood plummets from time to time and it is with much difficulty to raise myself up again. That is why I am so thankful for the little things - the trips to the pantry, the occasional chit-chats with my colleagues, the friendly janitor auntie and so on.
The timely encounters with people can be unexpectedly heartwarming and for that, I shall look forward to finishing up my stint with a grateful heart.
True enough, my first emotions were of unjust and shortchanged. I found myself back at the shorter end of the stick and that's one of the feelings I hate the most. (And if you know me, I don't hate.)
Just as I was finally picking myself up, I returned to the tuition centre this morning to find that 3 (out of 6) of my students are withdrawing.
As usual, my first sentiments were that of self-doubt. I've been there many times before, though. Since I took over this class, I've wondered if I suit the role, if teaching was my forte, if I could be of any help to the students.
It was experimental at first. I had wanted to see if I could carry out my teacher duties and be at ease with them. And I was. I grew used to the system and accustomed to meeting parents. You would think I would have gotten used to seeing students come and go as well (as I have in the last 2 years) but it still gets me every single time.
Today, before I played the self-blame game, I reminded myself:
I thought back on all I've done for the kids and can proudly say I've done my best.
I know the class will close if there are less that 4 students enrolled but I have always done whatever I can to help the students. There is no one-size-fits-all method to coach all of them and while it is sad to say goodbye to some, I will continue to do my best for the rest.
Just when I thought things couldn't get worse were the first words that came to my mind but it quickly changed:
"Perhaps this is God's way of giving me a chance to start afresh, to start all over again."
After covering an event as a photographer on Thursday evening, it reignited my interest in photography and capturing moments. I began to seriously consider investing in a camera and while I am no expert at the technicality or jargons of camera works, I have every intention to learn.
I shall now pursue my every interest and leave no passion unexplored. If I don't find what I like, at least I'll find out what I don't.
When my contract ends in December, I'll first look forward to my virgin visit to the Land of Kimchi. And then I'm planning a short getaway in March for my birthday. Finally, I'll be jetting off to Canada in April.
Everything will work out somehow.
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