December is always somewhat bittersweet.
It is probably one of my favourite months in the year because there is always so much to celebrate and look forward to that I actually start counting from the start of the year. Now that it's finally here, I don't want it to end so soon. (I mean, we're already the third day into December!)
On the bright side, there is a good deal to look forward to this December.
I met up with my former colleagues from my very first workplace last night It has been 5 years since I joined the company, and I am still with the organisation as a tutor. Amazing how time flew by just like that.
Next week onwards, I have two dinner dates planned for each week. (Trying not to exhaust myself so that I can have time with my family as well.)
And before we know it, it'll be the end of 2016. It would also mean the end of my contract and onto new adventures. No doubt still clouded with uncertainty but we really never know how life is going to turn out tomorrow so I'm just going to keep my head up and take everyday in my stride.
That's that.
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Today, I want to talk about how I deal with toxic in life.
Let's face it: Nobody really likes to be dragged down by negativity. Surely not me.
The guiding principle I live by is to never shortchange myself or anyone else. I absolutely hate being compromised. And I believe no one appreciates being compromised either so I've been reminding myself daily (first thing in the morning, in fact): more love, selfless and gratitude.
That being said, life won't always go the way we want. Just because I'm nice to others doesn't necessarily mean others will reciprocate the same way. (And sometimes it really doesn't pay to be nice but it doesn't mean I refuse anyone kindness. Then again, when you're too kind, people tend to take it for granted. Kind of hard to tread this grey area, isn't it?)
Most recently, I've had to deal with this colleague who has been nasty to me one too many times. She has shouted at me in public, used rude words to me (in front of other colleagues included), and basically disregarded me.
At first, I would retreat into my bubble and keep silent. "Let her be," I thought. She'd usually revert to her bubbly self soon enough. But knowing that didn't make me feel better. It didn't undo the disrespect or hurt she had caused whether intentionally or not.
Last week, I finally put my foot down and walked away from a situation that made me uncomfortable. And that brings me to my first point:
1 Walk Away
I know it's hard to just walk away, especially if the other party is someone extremely important to you. You risk losing a friendship/relationship if you choose to walk away. But someone who makes you feel like thrash (and doesn't realise it) will never be a friend, and most definitely not anything more.
I value me, and I encourage others to do the same. After all, everyone lives for himself. So who is to call you out for putting yourself first? No one.
2 Clarify
I don't enjoy awkward situations so after walking away once the other day, I brushed it off and actually approached my colleague again. But she wasn't ready to reconcile. Instead, she took the opportunity to attack me again. I have a good threshold for bullshit but that was my last straw. I didn't hesitate to tell her why I walked away: "I walked away because you were being rude." And I walked away again.
I am not one to call others out. In fact, despite my strong front, I am a very sentimental person. I value friendships and I give a piece of me to everyone I interact with. (I stopped holding back, stopped living life so guarded, stopped being so cynical because... how do you live life like that?) But sometimes the only way to make yourself feel better is to clarify the situation. It can either go uphill or downhill from here, but either way, all that matters is you've done what you can.
3 Create Distance
I have ever cut people out of my life without batting an eyelid but some nights, I still miss them and the good times we shared. (And that sends me down a whirlpool of negative emotions that keep me up all night. Basically, it sucks.) So now I create distance instead. I take tiny steps back from a relationship that's keeping me from moving forward/being happy.
It will never be easy to put fullstops to relationships that matter. I'm still working on this but when it's time to go, it's time to go. Some things are just not meant to be. But it doesn't mean you can't celebrate whatever memories you've shared with the other person.
4 Be Thankful
I'm a firm believer of the Law of Attraction so it is in my daily ritual to say thank you every morning and before I go to bed. Giving thanks allows me to start my day on a positive note, and when I get myself vibrating positive vibes, I believe that'll attract more positivity. (And really, you can never have too much positivity in life!)
Instead of saying I don't want toxic people in my life (even though I would really rather not have to deal with them if given a choice), I say thank you for coming into my life. Some people enter our lives as angels, others as lessons. Whether you're toxic or not, you'll leave a mark and that'll help me grow as a person.
After growing increasingly disappointed from countless failed interviews, I managed to find the silver lining: If I don't learn what I want, at least I'd learn what I don't want. And all is good.
5 Pay No Heed
I can't control my circumstances or the people who choose to enter my life, but surely I can pay heed to those who matter. At the end of the day, people who don't sincerely wish for the best for you won't matter. (And less so will the people who constantly set out to make your life difficult.)
I was once naive. I didn't differentiate toxic from non-toxic, and sometimes I gave attention to people who ended up mattering less. What did I gain? Nothing. But I did learn that those who matter won't force you into sticky situations or make you feel less worthy. More importantly, those who matter will always try to work things out.
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It is always going to be a process.
Some people enter our lives as angels who lift us when we have trouble standing on our own. But others enter our lives as lessons. Either way, it's all good. Can't always have the best of everything but surely we can make the best choices.
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