"If you compare yourself with others, you may become bitter or vain, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself." - Max Ehrmann
Just days ago, I was on the way to school when I suddenly thought: just how easy yet hard it is to be truly happy for someone.
This quote made a timely appearance and I cannot thank God enough for responding to my thoughts in ways as subtle yet meaningful as this.
I hope I don't sound too hypocritical or too realistic but I honestly did feel that I was at a point where I just did not know anymore how to sincerely congratulate someone on his/her achievements or celebrate his/her accomplishments with him/her. In fact, it is not an understatement to say I actually did not know how to share his/her joy when he/she shared his/her good news with me.
Like a habit, I congratulated him/her in words and smiles and tried to be as humble as possible but I could feel another reaction deep down. And that wasn't anything along the lines of humility.
I was possibly jealous or envious or bitter, I don't really know. All I know is I wasn't as happy for him/her as I thought I should have been and I later on realised it was because I wasn't able to come to terms with the fact that while I'm living, I'm also competing with my very own friends in every academic aspect.
Right before I entered NTU, I told myself my grades will not determine who I am or dictate the kind of life I shall live. I will leave as earnestly and as diligently as I can no matter what because that's the kind of life I want to live. But no, things did not work out that way.
Semester after semester, I find myself continuously influenced by the people around me but this worked in 2 very extreme ways - I was either driven to do better than I did the previous semester or I completely caved in to the immeasurable pressure I put myself through.
Thing is, though, as hard as I tried to not compare myself with my peers, I eventually did. When I did, I convinced myself it was inevitable because this is the reality of the society I live in. It, however, didn't make me feel better.
The competitive nature in me sprung right back up and I subconsciously succumbed myself to this endless rat race.
Initially, it was manageable. I tried to turn every challenge into motivation because I knew my grades were comparatively worse. The fact that I could do better was very encouraging since I knew I had so much more potential to explore and expand. But I guess that didn't last very long either.
At some point, I decided I'll accept that I'm average, that I'll never be as academically accomplished as my friends but I also decided that I'm worth it.
I suppose I just did not want to associate myself with my friends academically; that we may be in the same course and we may all be fighting for whatever limited positions available in the workforce, I did not want to see myself as just another competitor. So I stopped talking about grades and results all together.
That was and is the only way I can remain sane and remain me.
(As such, I greatly appreciate everyone and anyone who would see pass my grades and would want to know me more than what my certificates say of me.)
Today, this quote reached me while I was at my sister's convocation ceremony. As the guest-of-honor was making his speech, he kindly shared this poem with us and I'm glad he did because it will be one of the quotes I reflect upon for a long, long time.
In the coming days, I foresee harder days in school with more assignments and deadlines to meet but it shan't matter because at the end of the day, I'm still going to be me.
I guess all I'm really trying to say is each and every one of us is born different and will always be different.
I know we all try hard to conform to the norms this society has laid out for us but it doesn't matter if you're a little different. At the end of the day, no one else will ever come as close as you to being you.
I may not be as academically inclined as my friends are but I am certainly more fashionable. I may not be interested in movie-making or accounting but I am definitely more interested in animals and lifestyle. You see what I mean?
I've learnt today that it is okay to be different because we can never be the same.
I'm going to learn to love myself a little bit more and to love the rest a little bit more too. I'm going to learn to see people pass their obsession with grades and I'm going to attempt to understand them more than what their grades tell me.
But, first and foremost, I'm going to stop pitting my wits against the rest. There will be people above me and people below me but there will never be another me.
Just days ago, I was on the way to school when I suddenly thought: just how easy yet hard it is to be truly happy for someone.
This quote made a timely appearance and I cannot thank God enough for responding to my thoughts in ways as subtle yet meaningful as this.
I hope I don't sound too hypocritical or too realistic but I honestly did feel that I was at a point where I just did not know anymore how to sincerely congratulate someone on his/her achievements or celebrate his/her accomplishments with him/her. In fact, it is not an understatement to say I actually did not know how to share his/her joy when he/she shared his/her good news with me.
Like a habit, I congratulated him/her in words and smiles and tried to be as humble as possible but I could feel another reaction deep down. And that wasn't anything along the lines of humility.
I was possibly jealous or envious or bitter, I don't really know. All I know is I wasn't as happy for him/her as I thought I should have been and I later on realised it was because I wasn't able to come to terms with the fact that while I'm living, I'm also competing with my very own friends in every academic aspect.
Right before I entered NTU, I told myself my grades will not determine who I am or dictate the kind of life I shall live. I will leave as earnestly and as diligently as I can no matter what because that's the kind of life I want to live. But no, things did not work out that way.
Semester after semester, I find myself continuously influenced by the people around me but this worked in 2 very extreme ways - I was either driven to do better than I did the previous semester or I completely caved in to the immeasurable pressure I put myself through.
Thing is, though, as hard as I tried to not compare myself with my peers, I eventually did. When I did, I convinced myself it was inevitable because this is the reality of the society I live in. It, however, didn't make me feel better.
The competitive nature in me sprung right back up and I subconsciously succumbed myself to this endless rat race.
Initially, it was manageable. I tried to turn every challenge into motivation because I knew my grades were comparatively worse. The fact that I could do better was very encouraging since I knew I had so much more potential to explore and expand. But I guess that didn't last very long either.
At some point, I decided I'll accept that I'm average, that I'll never be as academically accomplished as my friends but I also decided that I'm worth it.
I suppose I just did not want to associate myself with my friends academically; that we may be in the same course and we may all be fighting for whatever limited positions available in the workforce, I did not want to see myself as just another competitor. So I stopped talking about grades and results all together.
That was and is the only way I can remain sane and remain me.
(As such, I greatly appreciate everyone and anyone who would see pass my grades and would want to know me more than what my certificates say of me.)
Today, this quote reached me while I was at my sister's convocation ceremony. As the guest-of-honor was making his speech, he kindly shared this poem with us and I'm glad he did because it will be one of the quotes I reflect upon for a long, long time.
In the coming days, I foresee harder days in school with more assignments and deadlines to meet but it shan't matter because at the end of the day, I'm still going to be me.
I guess all I'm really trying to say is each and every one of us is born different and will always be different.
I know we all try hard to conform to the norms this society has laid out for us but it doesn't matter if you're a little different. At the end of the day, no one else will ever come as close as you to being you.
I may not be as academically inclined as my friends are but I am certainly more fashionable. I may not be interested in movie-making or accounting but I am definitely more interested in animals and lifestyle. You see what I mean?
I've learnt today that it is okay to be different because we can never be the same.
I'm going to learn to love myself a little bit more and to love the rest a little bit more too. I'm going to learn to see people pass their obsession with grades and I'm going to attempt to understand them more than what their grades tell me.
But, first and foremost, I'm going to stop pitting my wits against the rest. There will be people above me and people below me but there will never be another me.
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