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Hello, 2016

A year ago, I wrote a post on my 2015 resolutions and just before the year ended, I went back to the same post (out of curiosity honestly) to see if I managed to remain committed.

Glad to say, I did. And it's strange because I know I definitely forgot all about my 2015 resolutions as the weeks went by but I must have subconsciously integrated those resolutions into my life, making them a part of my journey to become a better person instead of letting them remain as just resolutions.

That's a big, big improvement from the previous years. Coming up with a list of New Year resolutions, back then, seemed like the cool thing, the one thing everyone did before the New Year begun. I did, too, only to realize how half-hearted my determination was. Less than a week into the  new year and I would have conveniently forgotten about my resolutions.

Fortunately, 2014 was life-changing. I will never forget that magical feeling turning 21 and how everything just seemed to fall into place after officially becoming an adult (in terms of age and this society's norms.)

I've always said life truly began when I turned 21 because it was the year I took a leap of faith and plunged into a new lifestyle. 

I was always contented with the way things were but that's also another way to say I was pretty much passive about life. It was too troublesome to take charge and even more so to change a life I've grown so accustomed to. But I was getting nowhere. I wasn't moving forward neither was I growing as a person. Life was simply a mundane routine and while I was fine with that, I couldn't envision what my life would be 10 years down the road. 

Would I still be stagnant? Would I still be passive? Would I still be living a life I let someone else dictate for me?

And then it just happened. 

On the day I turned 21, I looked back at how far I've come in life. I made reasonable progress for sure but a voice in my head told me I could've done more for myself. 

I planned my life in accordance to the expectations the people around me had for me. I was disappointed when I didn't qualify for Anderson Secondary School because I knew Mama wanted me to be part of the school she was from. I was disappointed when I scored all A1s for my Sec 2 CA1 because Mama was disappointed. I basically tried to live a life Mama wanted me to, a life in line with the life she couldn't achieve.

I lived hard, studied diligently and felt I would have no regrets as long as Mama was happy. But that's the thing about growing up without Papa - he wasn't there to tell me it's okay to fall, it's okay to fail because he never had high expectations for his children. As long as we were happy, so was he. 

At 21, I looked at all the friends and family who congratulated me on accomplishing that milestone but I wasn't entirely satisfied. I had long talks with the bestf about this vague void feeling and I realised it wasn't about pleasing others, although there will always be some standard to live up to, it was about me. It was about living a life I could lead because Mama won't be around to provide me instructions on what life should constitute. It was about living a life where I made the decisions.

And I did.

I read books I never thought I would - self-help books, basically. I learned to practice gratitude, made it part of my life, channeled the law of attraction in everything I did and felt. I lived in the moment, enjoyed each day to the fullest and learned to let go of expectations.  I welcomed uncertainty and immersed myself in the unknown. I forced myself out of my comfort zone, picked up adaption skills depending on the environment and people but strived to retain authenticity. It was exciting, almost exhilarating, learning about a side of me I never knew before.

And I made that side the dominant personality because I enjoyed being that person.

Now that I am that person, I cannot imagine life any different from the way it is now. I'm happy, I'm blessed and I'm thankful.

My resolutions this year won't be any different from the ones I had penned last year.

I'm going to continue practicing gratitude and bettering myself as a person. I'm going to continue living in the moment and celebrating every day I get be it good or not. I'm going to continue laughing hard and living diligently. I'm going to continue holding my loved ones dear and opening my arms to new people.

In short, I'm going to be as happy as I am now and I will not shortchange anyone. 

With that in mind, I'm ready to take on 2016. 


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