I returned home from an extremely long day at school last night and I thought I would immediately crash but as I laid in bed – my sleep-deprived body evidently worn out – I couldn't stop thinking about how far I've come.
Throughout our entire undergraduate course, we took the same modules except on two occasions – once when I decided to do a research module instead of documentary with the rest and when Melly decided to do Spanish and I opted not to. (It doesn't change the fact that I am so proud of you for learning both Spanish and Italian at the same time, Melly!)
On the first day of school, we also met Kat – who later turned out to be yet another integral pillar through my four years at NTU. I call her the genius friend because I honestly don't understand how someone as intelligent as Kat ended up with average students like ourselves.
I might have thought Kat belonged to an entirely different category from me. Maybe all those years of self-shaming made me feel I wasn't good enough to be friends with someone like Kat. But the fact that she chose to be with us still amazes me.
I look at Kat and marvel at what an inspiration she has been to me. To live a more self-conscious life, to strive for better without complaining, to spread love for the environment and animals; there are so many qualities Kat has that I wish I had. I guess it's true you look to people who make up for the qualities you lack. She sometimes fills the voids in me and it's a very strange feeling letting people in this close.
Life sure works out in mysterious ways, doesn't it?
My freshman year was made a whole lot better thanks to these two. Spending time with them helped me heal. I knew I was smiling more genuinely, laughing more sincerely and working more diligently. I knew I was changing for the better but I cannot deny the monsters in my head never left me alone.
"You will never be good enough," they said.
I don't remember a time like that I didn't go to the bestf. Surprisingly, he always has the right words to make me feel better. I was threading a thin line but he was always there to tide me over.
And then there were weekly lunches with Chew, to whom I still feel sorry for ditching during Year 1. We made a pact to room together but I chose NUS at first and she had to room with someone else. But we managed to lunch together almost every week.
I looked forward to our weekly catch-ups. Transiting from spending hours together every day to seeing each other just once a week felt really awkward but as we both got used to our new lives, we found ways to keep in line with each other. And for that, no amount of thank yous would ever suffice.
And even though she's started working already, I still turn to her for a listening ear. Despite working late the past few weeks, I don't remember a time she didn't reply my texts. What did I do to deserve such an angel? :')
Subsequently, as we progressed from freshmen to Year 2s, Melly, Kat and I found Banana in Speech class.
We were talking about this during dinner yesterday and Speech class was one of our worst nightmares. Not just because our tutor was intimidating but because we shared a common stage fright back then.
As we reminisced about school last night, we realised we've become quite seasoned to presentations. We couldn't actually understand what we were freaking out about.
In the years that followed, the three of them became my safe haven – a group I regularly retreated to for comfort during the stressful days in and out of school.
When school first began, I watched everyone fall back into their cliques – cliques they had formed during the orientation camp – and I was secretly envious of them.
Maybe part of me still yearned to belong to a big group, like I was back in secondary school, but another part of me was sick of group politics and backstabbing.
Four years ago, I began my new academic journey as an undergraduate at NTU's Wee Kim Wee School of Communication & Information.
My first steps into the faculty were filled with uncertainty but excitement was cavorting in my ribcage.
The 19-year-old me was very different from the person I am now. After six years of negative self-talk, I was nursing a damaged mindset. But I did it with the help of my close friends, especially the bestf whom I will eternally be thankful for. That healing period was tougher than I expected and I knew entering an entirely new environment would do nothing to help me recover any quicker.
Still, I took the plunge.
Looking back now, I sure am glad I chose WKWSCI in the end. I guess it was a year of realisation – that my happiness did not lie in where my friends were but in my own hands. Although it was a rather last-minute decision to switch over, better late than never, right?
I convinced myself that even though I did not attend the faculty camp along with majority of the cohort, I would still be able to make friends. For some reason, that was a weighing thought right before school started. I was afraid of being alone, of being seen alone because I wouldn't be able to hide the fact that I am a misfit.
So when I found Melly right before lessons officially commenced, I was secretly rejoicing. Who knew Melly would turn out to be my saving grace for the next four years?
Melly and I have actually known each other for as long as the ol' friend and I have. That's 10 years, by the way. We were in the same class in Crescent and we were in adjacent classes in NYJC. Then we ended up being in the same course in WKWSCI.
Just like how NYJC brought Nisa and I closer, WKWSCI brought Melly and I closer. And I'm definitely not complaining.
I refuse to say we are two loners but I guess there is some truth in that. Or maybe a better description would be extroverted introverts.
I suppose we found each other at a pretty good timing, and perhaps a pretty good place too.
Just like how NYJC brought Nisa and I closer, WKWSCI brought Melly and I closer. And I'm definitely not complaining.
I refuse to say we are two loners but I guess there is some truth in that. Or maybe a better description would be extroverted introverts.
I suppose we found each other at a pretty good timing, and perhaps a pretty good place too.
Throughout our entire undergraduate course, we took the same modules except on two occasions – once when I decided to do a research module instead of documentary with the rest and when Melly decided to do Spanish and I opted not to. (It doesn't change the fact that I am so proud of you for learning both Spanish and Italian at the same time, Melly!)
On the first day of school, we also met Kat – who later turned out to be yet another integral pillar through my four years at NTU. I call her the genius friend because I honestly don't understand how someone as intelligent as Kat ended up with average students like ourselves.
I might have thought Kat belonged to an entirely different category from me. Maybe all those years of self-shaming made me feel I wasn't good enough to be friends with someone like Kat. But the fact that she chose to be with us still amazes me.
I look at Kat and marvel at what an inspiration she has been to me. To live a more self-conscious life, to strive for better without complaining, to spread love for the environment and animals; there are so many qualities Kat has that I wish I had. I guess it's true you look to people who make up for the qualities you lack. She sometimes fills the voids in me and it's a very strange feeling letting people in this close.
Life sure works out in mysterious ways, doesn't it?
My freshman year was made a whole lot better thanks to these two. Spending time with them helped me heal. I knew I was smiling more genuinely, laughing more sincerely and working more diligently. I knew I was changing for the better but I cannot deny the monsters in my head never left me alone.
"You will never be good enough," they said.
I don't remember a time like that I didn't go to the bestf. Surprisingly, he always has the right words to make me feel better. I was threading a thin line but he was always there to tide me over.
And then there were weekly lunches with Chew, to whom I still feel sorry for ditching during Year 1. We made a pact to room together but I chose NUS at first and she had to room with someone else. But we managed to lunch together almost every week.I looked forward to our weekly catch-ups. Transiting from spending hours together every day to seeing each other just once a week felt really awkward but as we both got used to our new lives, we found ways to keep in line with each other. And for that, no amount of thank yous would ever suffice.
And even though she's started working already, I still turn to her for a listening ear. Despite working late the past few weeks, I don't remember a time she didn't reply my texts. What did I do to deserve such an angel? :')
Subsequently, as we progressed from freshmen to Year 2s, Melly, Kat and I found Banana in Speech class.
We were talking about this during dinner yesterday and Speech class was one of our worst nightmares. Not just because our tutor was intimidating but because we shared a common stage fright back then.As we reminisced about school last night, we realised we've become quite seasoned to presentations. We couldn't actually understand what we were freaking out about.
In the years that followed, the three of them became my safe haven – a group I regularly retreated to for comfort during the stressful days in and out of school.
When school first began, I watched everyone fall back into their cliques – cliques they had formed during the orientation camp – and I was secretly envious of them.
Maybe part of me still yearned to belong to a big group, like I was back in secondary school, but another part of me was sick of group politics and backstabbing.
Thank you, Melly, for being there for me since the first day. Thank you, Kat, for being a beacon of inspiration (and for your explosive comments). Thank you, Banana, for judging- I mean, standing up for me. It still fascinates me how fate brought the four of us together.
University presented many opportunities that helped me become a better person. I picked up three languages ー Japanese, Korean and Italian ー and am really surprised at the friends I've met in these classes.
This goes back at least a year ago. I've to say meeting these ladies changed my perception on the difficulty of making friends in university. (This, however, would still greatly depend on the class demographics.) I guess I was lucky because we shared a common passion for the Korean language and are fans of K-music. That definitely was the ice-breaker.
Even after completing four levels of Japanese, I did not manage to make any friends, except with my tutor whom you can't really consider a friend either. But Korean class was different, very different.
Oh, how these ladies made me laugh endlessly during group practice.
And sometimes we laughed at nothing at all. I actually still remember this one time we were supposed to present and we just sat there laughing? We must have seemed crazy but there are times I wish I could go back to those days.
And sometimes we laughed at nothing at all. I actually still remember this one time we were supposed to present and we just sat there laughing? We must have seemed crazy but there are times I wish I could go back to those days.
I couldn't bring myself to hold onto the hope that we would continue being friends. Being in different courses and absolutely different lives, I couldn't see how we would mesh. But one and a half year on, thank you for still making my four years more memorable.
I enjoyed language classes the most. I picked Japanese and Korean out of pure interest but this semester, I went with Italian.
When class first began, I was lamenting myself for being crazy. Italian was way out of my league but it was the only language that could fit into my schedule, and since I had one more elective to clear, I wasn't really in the position to be choosy.
Safe to say, I will probably forget bulk of what I've learned the last 12 weeks. But what I won't forget is being lost each lesson with these people.
I guess you could say these are my newfound friends. I do look forward to a day-trip to JB with Sam being our tour guide. If Banana could drive us, that'd be great. (As you can tell, Melly and Banana are mostly wherever I am. Talk about attachment!)
I won't say I regret learning Italian. It was a very different experience immersing in a culture that didn't overlap with mine in any way. Language class was the first point of contact with Italian and, well, I'm not even going to talk about whether it turned out useful or not since I didn't learn Japanese or Korean with that in mind.
I'm just thankful for friends who made my time in class easier and for helping out whenever.
Towards the last few weeks of school, I was literally a walking zombie. I was so, so sleep-deprived but with never-ending deadlines, that kept the exhaustion at bay.
In fact, I told the girls yesterday that I never knew I could be this tired. After submitting my Human Resource Management assignment, I resigned to my bed that Friday night and naively assumed I could sleep in the following morning. But I couldn't (and I can't remember why now). I remember having to rush our FYP oral presentation slides in preparation for the dry run on Monday and we met online at 10 the night before.
Speaking of FYP, it was a major pain. Since I'm recollecting and documenting my four years at WKWSCI, I definitely cannot leave FYP out.
It was some time during internship when A approached me and asked me if I would like to join D and her for FYP. Right up till then, I had decided to go solo because I wasn't very good at approaching people but because A found me first, I decided to join them. I mean, it was more practical as well.
The three of us would meet up during internship to discuss our potential project and I thought everything was going well, until A dropped me a text one day, telling me D wanted to go solo. And I thought, well, I don't have any right to stop him and I can't possibly call him out either because everyone just wants the best. And it's not wrong – it is a major project that will probably determine our final GPA.
So A and I were left on our own. At that point, I didn't really think much about it. I guess, I believed God had a way for us and He sure did because A was approached by another pair. And with that, we formed my current group.
Little did I expect, the four of us would have endless disagreements with each other. I won't go into the details but it was a very tough time. I understand we all have our own circumstances and I also know sometimes I'm being taken for a ride but I've never said anything or called anyone out because I believed if I could empathise with whatever situations my members found themselves in, they would be same for me.
But, no. That wasn't the case and I'm not complaining but it is a pity that we couldn't clear the air early on.
Despite working together for nine months, I never stopped questioning our group dynamics. We didn't feel like a group – and we probably still don't. I find it very hard to communicate with people whom I am stuck with rather than people I choose to be with. We were sort of forced to group together and I, in all honesty, thought things would work out eventually. I mean, who would want to score badly for FYP?
Through the course of this project, I have felt compromised, taken advantage of and betrayed. Instead of sounding like I'm hung up about whatever is now part of the past, I'm going to take everything as a learning lesson. It truly was very eye-opening putting everything I had on the line with unfamiliar people.
If anything, I wouldn't say FYP taught me the way the corporate world works. Having been trained at SPH Magazines, FYP definitely felt worse. Receiving 10 stories at 10 p.m. on a Wednesday night does not even come close to how much stress I underwent because of FYP.
Now that we are so near the end, I'm praying for the best. I cannot control my environment but I sure can control how I feel and I think that's the most important thing. In life, we go through a whole lot of shit but it's not always going to be that bad.
FYP was bad but the girls, the bestf, Chew; a lot of people were cheering me on and reminding me how far I've come in spite of all the hardships I had to go through to get to where I am today. I am satisfied. I've proven to myself that I can do it and I will do it if I put my mind to it.
It is on the last day of school that I feel immensely proud of myself for surviving four years here. (And finally bought my faculty shirt as well!)
I am so, so filled with gratitude right now I feel like I might explode. It's amazing how the last four years have gone by in a blink of an eye. If given a chance or asked, I would choose to do it all over again with the same people.
Thank you, girls, for making my undergraduate studies more than just bearable. It was extremely enjoyable. For going through the ups and downs and for helping me grow through it all, for loving me despite all my shortcomings and reminding me that I'm worth so much more, for being angry on my behalf and having my back in tough times, for laughing and occasional dinners together, for celebrating every milestones and sharing life with me; I love all of you very much.
Onto a new chapter in life, may we hear from each other often and see each other more. It's been a pleasure to be part of WKWSCI. I'm sure going to miss this.
Speaking of FYP, it was a major pain. Since I'm recollecting and documenting my four years at WKWSCI, I definitely cannot leave FYP out.
It was some time during internship when A approached me and asked me if I would like to join D and her for FYP. Right up till then, I had decided to go solo because I wasn't very good at approaching people but because A found me first, I decided to join them. I mean, it was more practical as well.
The three of us would meet up during internship to discuss our potential project and I thought everything was going well, until A dropped me a text one day, telling me D wanted to go solo. And I thought, well, I don't have any right to stop him and I can't possibly call him out either because everyone just wants the best. And it's not wrong – it is a major project that will probably determine our final GPA.
So A and I were left on our own. At that point, I didn't really think much about it. I guess, I believed God had a way for us and He sure did because A was approached by another pair. And with that, we formed my current group.
Little did I expect, the four of us would have endless disagreements with each other. I won't go into the details but it was a very tough time. I understand we all have our own circumstances and I also know sometimes I'm being taken for a ride but I've never said anything or called anyone out because I believed if I could empathise with whatever situations my members found themselves in, they would be same for me.
But, no. That wasn't the case and I'm not complaining but it is a pity that we couldn't clear the air early on.
Despite working together for nine months, I never stopped questioning our group dynamics. We didn't feel like a group – and we probably still don't. I find it very hard to communicate with people whom I am stuck with rather than people I choose to be with. We were sort of forced to group together and I, in all honesty, thought things would work out eventually. I mean, who would want to score badly for FYP?
Through the course of this project, I have felt compromised, taken advantage of and betrayed. Instead of sounding like I'm hung up about whatever is now part of the past, I'm going to take everything as a learning lesson. It truly was very eye-opening putting everything I had on the line with unfamiliar people.
If anything, I wouldn't say FYP taught me the way the corporate world works. Having been trained at SPH Magazines, FYP definitely felt worse. Receiving 10 stories at 10 p.m. on a Wednesday night does not even come close to how much stress I underwent because of FYP.
Now that we are so near the end, I'm praying for the best. I cannot control my environment but I sure can control how I feel and I think that's the most important thing. In life, we go through a whole lot of shit but it's not always going to be that bad.
FYP was bad but the girls, the bestf, Chew; a lot of people were cheering me on and reminding me how far I've come in spite of all the hardships I had to go through to get to where I am today. I am satisfied. I've proven to myself that I can do it and I will do it if I put my mind to it.
I am so, so filled with gratitude right now I feel like I might explode. It's amazing how the last four years have gone by in a blink of an eye. If given a chance or asked, I would choose to do it all over again with the same people.
Thank you, girls, for making my undergraduate studies more than just bearable. It was extremely enjoyable. For going through the ups and downs and for helping me grow through it all, for loving me despite all my shortcomings and reminding me that I'm worth so much more, for being angry on my behalf and having my back in tough times, for laughing and occasional dinners together, for celebrating every milestones and sharing life with me; I love all of you very much.
Onto a new chapter in life, may we hear from each other often and see each other more. It's been a pleasure to be part of WKWSCI. I'm sure going to miss this.
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